Alien babies, not as E.T. as you would think

So, I recently had surgery, and by recent I mean recent enough to complain, but not recent enough for it to be a valid complaint. Ever since this procedure was done, I've felt worse than ever. A recent addition to my ailments is the alien babies that have taken up residency in my belly. Now you may think that this is ridiculous aliment, but if you could hear the sounds they make you would understand. Every time I eat anything you can hear this, and for lack of a better description, alien baby cries coming from my gut. Its a gurgling, followed by "wookie" like escape of air. Most people might think it was cool to have wookies and aliens fight in your stomach, but not me, well at least not me any more. It has lead to several embarrassing moments. The awkward looks I get from other restaurant patrons is my favorite, and just try explaining that to the confused/scared family eating their pasta next to you. "No need to worry Mama, your family has nothing to worry about, my alien babies are fully trained and nonviolent."
See, not nearly as E.T. as you would think. So, lets see alien babies, freezer jam, whats next . . . . How about a story with a name that's not quite up to par with alien babies, but probably is a funnier story. That would be the infamous, "Failed High School Guitar, but tried to make it sound better, but just made it worse." Not a very good name I know, but it will have to do for now because it is pretty funny if I do say so myself.